Thought Leadership

Forget Google, Bing & Yahoo – It’s Hammertime


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Man breakdancing in front of a darkened crowd

In a move as confusing as his 1994 foray into gangsta’ rap, Hammer (formerly MC Hammer) is launching his own search engine called WireDoo. After all, nothing is more ‘gangsta’? than droppin’ fresh new algorithms across the current search engine landscape.

All weirdness aside, Hammer claims that WireDoo will spotlight topics closely related to search queries. For instance, if somebody searches for ‘Hammer’s mansion,’? they might also get results for debt consolidation and insanity medication.

When Hammer spoke at the Web 2.0 summit in San Francisco, he helped explain relationship inspired search by comparing it to gathering home buying information. If someone were to search for ‘homes in Cambridge, MA,’? they might also receive information regarding area schools, neighborhoods, and other city related information. Whether WireDoo is successful or not, Hammer has successfully come up with an idea that is unique to its competitors.

If the celebrity of Hammer is enough to get people using WireDoo, the premise is interesting enough that in a best case scenario, WireDoo could end up merging with an established engine. Granted, it will be important to actually wait until the engine is launched, but the fact that it will enter the market with a lot of hype could give it a fighting chance initially. Think about it, for as important as search is in our daily lives, it has had little celebrity influence – until now.

*Disclaimer- The rest of this article contains no truth whatsoever:

One odd thing I noticed about WireDoo was that every #1 ranking featured anchor text stating the words ‘U Can’t Touch This.’ The anchor text linked to the song on iTunes.

I soon became concerned that Hammer might only have his own interests in mind with his new business endeavor. For instance, when somebody searches for ‘Reebok Pumps,’ the 1st search result is a link to his song ‘Pumps and a Bump’ on iTunes. I became even more suspicious when I did a search for ‘kidnapping,’? and all that came up was a link to buy his song ‘Have You Seen Her?’

Come on Hammer – that’s just inappropriate!

When I typed in ‘financial disaster,’ it was evident that one of his developers played a joke on him, because all that came up was the following image:

Hammer will also be launching his own analytics platform to coincide with the launch of WireDoo. WireDoo’s analytics platform differs from the likes of Google and Bing in the way that it provides an easy to understand grading system that lets webmasters see exactly how their site is performing. Hammer’s grading system is as follows:

2 Legit 2 Quit = Outstanding

It’s All Good = Good

Work This = Needs Improvement

Pray = This Site Sucks

You guessed it – each grade (song title) contains a link to buy the song on iTunes.

In conclusion, if your search and analytics results have been void of all things Hammer, ‘Here Comes the Hammer’ to the rescue.

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